My darkest secret

   The one thing I truly would not want Anybody to know is that when I was fourteen I stuck a Tampon up My butt, I know that is odd, but as I continuously said My childhood was disturbing. I had no Brother to teach Me what it was like to be tough, and My Folks never taught Me the right way to be. My Dad told Me to always respect My Elders and to never start a fight but always finish them and that was it. I don't need to tell most of You out there how to raise Your Children, but if You do need to be taught I'm telling You to talk to Them. Do not let Your Kids be left in the dark and discover things on Their own. Society Today is an outrage, just look at how People think My life is a joke and allow this Richard Pattison to bother My life. Full Grown Adults are a fact of life. I Myself just recently had a Manly feeling at My Sister Kays house, I do understand that Men don't say such things, but it's so rare for Me to that I have to say something. All I really want is to see these People that screwed My life up and now mess with My head to be brought down. I completely understand I am fighting a losing battle, if this arrogant Boy named Pattison is wealthy enough to do what He is doing He is most certainly paying off some Asshole at the top, thus is the reason I started at the top Myself and contacted the U.S. Marshal in charge of policing the Police first, John Clark is the head cheese there. Even that has'nt seemed to work though. Dammit all to Hell anyhow, Kelly.

Still kickin'

   Been gone for a while, too tired after work to even care about writing. Boy what a Loser I am, I even get a bit flabbergasted looking at My sorry ass life. I talk about how many Loves I have lost, I got another one for You. I danced with a Gal here in Riverton and when the song ended She reached up and kissed Me on the cheek. I did'nt get all school Boyish about it either, I asked Her for Her phone number and She asked if I wanted the one in town or the one where She lived, She lived in Casper 120 miles away. My mistake was saying the one in town because I wanted to see Her soon. I did call but She let Me down easy. I really liked Her, Annette was Her name. The sad thing is that I had just quit My job and had no car so I did'nt really have a chance. That kiss will be remembered always though. Well, if I have'nt spilled My gutts enough and told You what it's like to be a stupid S.O.B. You would never know. I'm out a here until I can say something moronic again. Fuck Hefner and Richard Pattison, Kelly McGill.

Childsplay

   I am fifty three and just Today I felt like a small Child, no shit. That just tells You how slow My life really is. I know some People are out there saying things like, "He has a vivid imagination.", I'll agree to that, but I am in no way making this stuff up. I say I can agree to that saying because I know Myself, I am in fact a Dreamer. I dream of making a life I can be proud of out of this miserable existance known as My life, Who would'nt want a better life? I was once accused of having a vivid imagination in the fourth grade too. It was right after the school year started. That summer My cousin Jimmy was in the ditch in front of My Grand Parents house, when I asked Him what He was doing He said He was throwing rocks at cars. Well I jumped into the ditch and We both threw rocks at the first truck We saw, He was a Friend of My Grandpas and stopped. We both took off running. I was'nt too bright I'd say, I hid behind a bush half My size. When the Grandpa came around the corner I knew I was caught and took off towards the house. Every step that Old Fart took was a kick in My rump, I never threw rocks again. I was told to sit on the couch and think about what I had did. While sitting there a Neighbor brought some horses over, all I could do was to watch from the window. That was what I had drawn about when I was supposed to be imaginative, I don't remember what I said on it but I know it was'nt anything nice. Knowing My Folks I am sure They told Someone to bring over the horses so I could watch and suffer. One thing I have'nt mentioned about My life is that I have many repressed memories. I mentioned some of them, like in Virginia and also the football game in Rock Springs, but seriously I have had a lot of them. I feel I have said enough for Tonight, so I am out a here, Kelly.

Hard workin' Fool

   I can still get out there and bust My hump, and I feel it in My bones too. 'Bitch Rowley', is what I said to Jon Peirson and I am sure He has heard about it. I wonder if He has heard Me call Him a boot licker yet. That Boy is a back stabbing S.O.B. and that is a fact. I am also sure He has heard about Me crying My eyes out in Denton Texas for Sheila, that was in '83 I believe. You know what's fucked up? Even after balling like a Baby for Her I still broke Her heart in '87, that is as sad as I can imagine. That poor Girl falls in love with Me twice in Her life and I rip Her heart out both times. I was'nt really being a Cad, I was truly blown away both times. Yes My stubbornness had a big factor in what happened, but Kelly McGill is a real slow Kid Folks. I told You about Richard Pattison handing Me two ounces of 'shrooms, that was when the realizaation of what happened to Us really hit home, it destroyed Me. My insides were ripped apart. Another sad fact of My life is that was the same summer I met Nancy. The final thought that sent the Boy packing was that I told Myself, 'I have lost everything else in My life that was good I'll lose Her too. I was not in a state of mind where I could see what was taking place right in front of Me that night. Yes, this is a seriously fucked up life. I did'nt need the help of My so-called Friends making sure I had enough L.S.D. to fry My sorry ass, I could screw things up on My own, and have. Take care out there, I have to go, Kelly McGill.

Can't win for losin'

   You know, if I were a smart Person I would start a blog about My rotten life, Oh yea I did, wow! I insist on saying that I speak the truth here Folks because I do. Blackballed is what I have been, which is a crime, it is still conspiracy for a fact. I do not lie when I say also that attempts have been made on My life either. I refuse to go out on Holloween due to this crap, You never know Who will be waiting in diguise. I understand that this sounds paranoid, but I know these People and this Town I am living in. I was born here and finished school here, so I know how these People think. "Small town mentallity.", for sure. If You are not Their type You are not accepted. I was a "Benchwarmer" because I wanted to be on the Team just for exercise, I was with My Mom when I registered in the ninth grade and She told Mr. Andre the Vice President of the junior high that She wanted Me in some kind of sports for that same reason so I picked football. I swear I was the reason We did'nt take the state championship Our senior year too. The Underclassmen did'nt go out that season, there were Players that would have started on a team that was the only team in the state to beat the Champs that year. I stated before I was treated like shit, They pushed Me harder then Hell. I held back because I held My temper at home for the last decade plus. Right after school, that summer, I showed Bill Rowley just why too. I jumped up and put My foot in His face with a kick I had never even tried before, I tell no lie when I say it was Bruce Lee fast too. Enough for Today, I have to find something else to do. I will leax=ve with one thing said, as I said before, No Man on Earth would allow these Boys to get away with what They have done. "The Have's and the Have's nots."? Huh? Kelly here.

Sore Loser

    As a matter of fact I am a sore Loser. When I see how I was treated, and being treated, I am as sore as a Human can get. I tell no lie when I say what They have done to My life makes Me want to just walk up and shoot one of Them, but I do have enough common sense not not to do such a thing. I would much rather see these People sit in Jail for a few years. As I have said though, if I were to end My own life I would sure as Hell take one of Them with Me. I have My reasons to live or Bill Rowley would have been shot by now. I grew up in the sixties in southern California. I witnessed the Hippy era first hand. I remember seeing a camp set up along the Freeway where They hungout. Then there was the seventies and eighties. I have seen a lot of changes in America is what I am saying, and We are on the verge of one of the biggest changes to come. My saying is 'When America changes the whole World changes.', I live to see it. I used the words before, "Out to change the World.", and I would love to see it do so. We are the only Country on Earth that others imitate, I would hate to try to be like the youth of America, I truly can't stand half the Kids here. They would be the kind that would follow a Fella like Richard Pattison and screw with a Loser like Me. Enough said, I really gotta go, Kelly.

DANG IT!

   I sure do hope these People are happy with Their lives. I don't need to tell You I'm not. I thought of something Today, as always too late though. I told You I was allowed to walk through a scene of NCIS Los Angeles, I know if I had hung around I might have been a regular when They filmed at the beach. One thing that makes Me so sure is My music. When They were filming I was sitting on the bleachers across from muscle beach where the extras all sat and was playing My guitar amongst Them. When I screwed up a song I had been playing They showed Their interest in My music with an "Ahh". The song I was playing is a really good instrumental piece, the lyrics start out 'I might just sit Here and scratch My ear, for that is better, than crying a tear'. I know that I would have made it into a scene or two because They were decent People. I was told to help Myself with Their food. I did'nt go over and grab all I could either, I just got a sandwich and a drink if I remember right. I have yet to see the show when I was on, I do keep an eye out for it though. The first scene to start the show is where a Guy is on fire, so if You see that one keep an eye out for a scene where They are looking at something on the ground, not the big Stars either, and You'll see a bunch of People walking behind Them, I am the Guy with the guitar strapped on His back sporting a beard. I don't even know if They used the shot or not, but I'm still looking. You Folks have a great 2114, I'll sure as Hell try to Myself, Kelly.