Just saying

   Richard Pattison is the type of Person tat would tell the People that were trying to contact that innocent Kid in 1980 to leave Him hanging. I feel that the Man at that party that kept smiling at Me while I was talking to a young Woman may have tried to help My life out and these People that befriended Me left Me out in the cold because They really think They are smart. I wonder if I actually am supposed to be rich because of My being a simple Kid back then. I want to say this to any Banker out there, if You are in fact holding any money that belongs to Me I will make You a deal. I can understand how You would not want Me to know. If I had a lot of money sitting there drawing interest for thirty years You would not want to see Me find out about it. That much interest would devastate a bank I am sure. What I propose is that all interest would be dropped and kept by those holding any funds. I know I am just speculating, but something took place on the night I was being contacted. If in fact I am a prosperous Person and You refuse to help Me, I would do whatever I could to break You. I am the type of Person that would go out of My way to help Someone, not stab Them in the back like Richard Pattison and Bill Rowley, and that My Friends is a fact of life.

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   I can at least say that People are reading this junk. The one thing I must say though is that it is not junk at all, it is My life. It is obvious to Me how these Creeps set it all up so They'd look innocent, but They are really vicious little Boy's that screw with the life of a retarded Person. If I were not retarded I would have been a married Man years ago. I look at My experiences with the opposite sex and am truly surprised. Nancy is a very beautiful Woman, and the Gal that snuck up behind Me and planted Her breast in My back had what I still call the prettiest face I have seen, and I am sure it will always be the prettiest too. As I have stated I am an overwieght balding Kid with screwed up teeth, what chances do I have with such Women? Yet They still look My way. And I am a lonely Boy? Goofy ass Kid anyhow. All I seek is justice, and I feel it is unreachable. I sure as Hell hope some Cop takes it to heart and looks into it, I don't really want to be remembered as a Murderer.

Feelings

   Do You understand that People can see right through You? When I feel like a Cousin of Mine, Raymond Lough right here in Riverton, I am under scrutiny. I hate being the way I am. That Kid in Austin when it all began, Kevin, asked Me once about Women. He was starting to tick Me off because of His actions by then. I told Him, 'I am choosy.", due to the fact. I am not conceited by any means, Hell I'm shocked at times by the way the Gals are interested in Me. My main problem is that I really can't stand Children, fact. When You are sitting there and some Kid, even Girls, say words such as, "Vagina.", it has a downward affect. Maturity is sexy. A Women is Mature. I admit that I should just let Kids be Kids and have some fun, but I have seen more than My share at want so desperately to change Them into Grownups that I can't stand it. People think sex is everything, wrong. Of course there would be no People without it, but dammit Man there is also maturity. Even tonight I heard some Kid say the words, "There's a lot of Vagina in here.", I really can't stand that childish bull. It's a game Americans play, it is insane to Me. I watch the World, and if We don't do something soon We are going to be in more shit then We can handle. We are picking a fight with Russia, They are talking about putting chips in Humans, and Terrorist are running free in America. As I have stated, I keep a gun handy. Kelly McGill is a realist as the saying goes.

The poor Bastard

Did Ya know? Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler were both lonely Losers before They became big Stars. And the truth of the matter is that They were both messed up on drugs when They made it. I really am glad that We never went anywhere as a Band, I know now how Richard Pattison thinks. He would have been trying to make Me a Junkie. I can also see Him making sure any song that I may have written that became a hit would have for damn sure had His name on it. The Guy is nothing but garbage. I sit here and read through what it is that I am writing, and I really cannot believe that nothing is getting done. I am dead serious when I say that I feel like killing Myself more times then I wish to speak of, and I can say with confidence that if I were to take My own life I would sure as shittin' drive to Wenachie Washington and shoot this Bill Rowley dead, fact. So figure it out and do something soon because I am sick of living this nightmare of a life, Kelly McGill.

A new day

   I am having one of those day where I don't have a clue on what to say. I'll just keep it short and say one thing. I have'nt been smoking any of that dumb dust, pot, and I really notice the difference. I make a lot less mistakes for one thing. Even at that though I still have more problems than I truly want to admit from the side affects of all the L.S.D. I was being fed. If there is even one of You Damn Kids out there thinking of trying Hallucenagenics, don't. The mind is one of the most important organs You have, don't fuck it up. And again, to all You Parents out there with Kids about to enter the age where They will be introduced to drugs You better start talking to Them about them now. And don't be naive about how early They'll find out too, I was first offered pot in the seventh grade. And now days I am sure it comes around a whole lot sooner, especially in the Cities. Drugs kill Kids.

This is no joke

   "Kiddie Shit!", is a saying that a Kid named Alan Hutchinson would always say. This same Kid I did'nt remember around Reagan Hills apartments at the time the Playboy came about, but the way He talks He was around then too. This Boy worked with Us  in the mid eighties. I met His Dad and I tell You for a fact He had a Full Grown feeling about Him. "A Man has a certain aire about Him.", I have heard before, and when You see it You'll know what I mean. There are two types of Men on this Planet, Young Men, and Full Grown Men. There is one Hell of a difference. Myself? I am neither. I say I am honest and that means taking a good hard look at Myself and being honest about it.  Again I say these things to prove My honesty. I am a heart broken Fool with People I knew screwing with My life. I hate My life and have felt like ending it so many times. I may have mentioned the time I hurt so bad I actually fell to My knees when I was racked with pain. I had a dream while in Jacksboro, it was about Nancy. I hurt so bad in that dream I woke up screaming, 'Why?'. That place was so loud it was maddening, but it was dead quiet that day. Billy Hanson is the Kid that was to be Our Drummer, He was another one that seemed to always show up wanting to do acid. Of course this Dumbass always went along, just like They knew a slow Kid such as I am would. One night We wound up at Lake Travis while tripping. I was swimming under water and when I came up for some reason I saw a Woman's body in My mind, the freaky thing is that soon afterwards I ran into that same Woman. Nancy is a real Person People. I broke He heart and it hurts more then most People could understand. I know it sounds made up, but I tell the truth. Afterwards I told Myself I would see Her again, Austin is'nt that big of a City, Boy was I a Fool.

An American in peril

   I insist that I speak nothing but the whole honest truth. Which leads Me to say that there gad better be something done soon before it's too damn late and Someone winds up dead. I understand that I am speaking too much about killing these two, but You do not see it from My point of view. What They did to My life is a killing offence and that is a fact. I am in more control then a lot of People on this Planet, They'd be dead if it had happened to Someone that loses His temper easy. I can tell You straight out that if it were one of My Sisters I would have already done something. When a cousin of Mine called My Sister a Slut, or so I was told, I caught Him with a good uppercut. That was when I was around thirteen. When I was told My another Sister that the Boy's down the street were bothering Her Me and Ray Joe Lewis were on Our bikes and down there fast. It's a good thing They were'nt home, I'd a probably got My ass kicked. I am sure looking back that it was a set up knowing My silly Family. I look back at times like that and also when My oldest Sister would yell at Me just trying to piss Me off and wonder about Myself. After it was through I never even thought about it again. And like I say, Lois yelled at Me nearly everyday after school from the time I was in the fifth grade until My Sophmore year in High School. I never talked about it or even remembered it afterwards until years later. Like I have said, I have lived a very disturbing life. I am sincerely surprised that I am not dead. I will end for the night with that said. Good night to You, Kelly McGill.