I am Real, Dammit!

   Here I sit in bleeding My heart out and nothing. Bill Cosby is a perfect Gentleman and yet He is picked out. I do not condone His actions, if convicted. I bring this Person up just to show You one thing, even Bill Cosby can be an Animal. These People did what They did and that is a fact. I have stated repeatedly that I have only the proof of Other's, therefore I am at the mercy of the few involved. Fat chance there.

My next blog

  Again I am trying to at least talk like an Adult, the main reason being I am sick of this Child's Life that I live. "Stop trying to be a Man!", I remember from when I was small, so I understand what I am doing here. "You call Yourself a Man?", is another. I do understand that these sayings are meant to change the Youth of America, We have had these Children thinking They know better since before I was born. I look at the events going on in America Today and wonder about it's chance's, I feel We'll prevail with the right moves on the Military's part, other then that I fear for Our future. I speak as a damn Kid, and that's from the heart.

Justice?

   I am a firm believer in justice where it is needed, and this is one instance it is in dire need. I tell You how rotten My life has been in order find sympathy, I know it is not what most People believe in. People in America don't want to hear about Someone else's problems I understand that. But I do have this Life and I want justice in a serious way. I tell You that I want to take the Lives of these People involved, that is the truth. I fear the thought of doing so though. All My Life I was a non violent Kid, now I have a rage inside of Me. "Don't hold it in it will eat You up inside.", is the truth. With that said I will end by wishing You a Happy Holiday season.

The stages of Life

   I see Myself as a Youngster going through the phases of Life. I actually want to talk to You People in a rational manner. Not only for the fact that it will attract Your attention, but I do see Myself. Here I am a "Clod" on the Planet, Damn it. I am a Victim of innocence to say the least. I was slack jawed looking at Sheila, and the truth is the only difference between that and the look I showed Nancy was the dropped jaw. It is a painful Life Folks.

A Life, Mine.

   This is absurd. I continue to talk about how these People are guilty, but no justice. I do understand, and want You to know the same, that it takes time. At an early age I stared at Sheila, My future Wife, with My jaw dropped. She is honest, She will say I did so. Just as Nancy would say I stared at He body in '82. I have to push the issue that I am an ignorant Child that took a thump on the head at the age of two that triggered something. It is not all as bad as it seems, I see beyond many. But yet?

As I learn

  I see Myself as a Child to this day, and I am fifty four years old. I completely understand that Men respect Men, and I am a Child in Their eyes, therefore a Human being unworthy. If I had control over My Life I would shock most of You with My feelings beyond Your realm of understanding. I just wish You could see beyond Your youth, You would be amazed. I Myself truly want to speak to You as a Full Grown Man, it is beyond My ability, for I am just a Kid. Hardships change a Kid, I have had it tough, but not tough enough to make Me a Man. What I have to say Tonight is, if You disrespect My honesty and honor these People You are an innocent Child in the first place. I do not laugh at this Life, I live through Hell. To be honest I am trying to be more of an Adult from here on out, such is My growth. Kelly.

I nearly forgot

 I had to come back Tonight just for this. Hey, I am a Loser. I ran into a Kid I know in Town here, He had two Gal's with Him. After talking to Him for a spell I turned to talk with one of the Girls, The reaction I received was disgusting, I can only explain it by saying She had a look that read, "You're  a piece of dirt.", the sad thing is I have seen this numerous times over the years. I Myself, I walked away. Girls, there are those that would stalk You and kill Your arrogant behinds. Kelly McGill is not one. Nancy's look was nowhere near this hard, but She had a hard look, right before She fell in love with a Kid.

Hide the facts

   I am so honest I say I jacked off in front of Laura Chiles. Excuse the blatantness it is rude. In fact I even excuse Myself when I cuss in front of Women. Bill Rowley would be an excellent Witness to My manner years ago, I cussed rarely. Now? I have a foul mouth to an extent.  Hey, there are married Gal's around town chasing Me, and yet I sleep alone. Does this tell You I am a Dip shit or what, there is one that has been trying to seduce Me for years around here.

I am at loss

  I was blind sided, and now it's funny? In reality I can see My own Boss, Garth Yeates, laughing at Me. I said I trust Him but I wonder. Here  am the Boss of a Job I know nothing about, I feel I am being set up for a fall. I Myself know that I will screw up, just how big? I have the shot. There are Employees ahead of Me that I would have put in charge, They seem to have a care less then a Man. What am I involved with. I am scared I am set up for a fall Myself. Most of You need to understand, this is a very small town, less than 11,000 reside here. It would be easy to spread the wealth and hide the facts. I fear that My own Family is involved.

Help!

  I play no Kid's game in the first place. "There's always someone else that has it tougher Then You.", Tonight I saw such a Person. I was watching a show where a Woman was continuously raped by a Doctor, She shot Him. The next move was She was sent to the electric chair. After months in Prison She went insane. therefore She was sent to the institute. I saw Myself as having it easy compared. The show had Others, after watching I felt Their feeling, Personally. Murder is a reality People, what scares Me is that I have the same feelings after watching such shows. When You feel this You sense People watching You too.

Wow!

   Hey! I completely understand what is going on in the World. I lie. If I had complete comphrehension? Hell I'm lost. Nancy put Me on My ear, fact, same as Sheila. This gives cause to mess with Me in the mind of Richard. I have to reiterate from the previous evening, I accused Garth Yeates of a connection, that Boy has done some growing, I cannot see Him as a vicious soul. I am His, around fourth in command, Boss. Garth is a realist so far. The others I mention?

Yes I am honest

  Who would believe a Guy that say He was set up with His own Playboy. The proof is out there. It is buried deep.

I am dangerous

   The title speaks it all.

Full Grown

   Excuse the writing Tonite, My glasses are at the job site. Everything's a bit blurry. I wonder about the Company I even work for to tell the truth. Here I am the assistant Superintendent on the job, I feel I am unworthy. There are others that have been with the Company for years. The thing is, most of these Fools seem to not give a damn, and They have held Their jobs for years. I worked for a Company a long time ago named Style Homes, My Boss worked there too, along with a lot of Friends of Richard Pattison, Bill Rowley and many others. What bothers Me is the fact that these People are worthless in My eye, but still have Their jobs. I would have fired half the crew. I have seen John Lucas do that exact thing in Virginia, what a difference it made. It seems to be a joke to the American Public that I am this Person, do You People completely understand that We are under attack due to You arrogance. Good God! I put it writing right here adn now, I would shoot Richard Pattison in the face and end His Life if I knew where He was Today. Mark Schosta is added to the list of Cronies. If I missed spelled the last name. He works for the local gas company. I do see there game, "We work and earn Our money.".  Me? Screw Kelly

The Western way

   I am truly surprised at how some Americans think. I was working in Indianapolis with a crew out of Texas. I was the framing Super for the first time then, that was in 1987. I also was doing some sub contract work on the Job. All of a sudden this Kid working for Me asked, "What part of Texas is Wyoming in anyways?", I told Him He was fired, that I did'nt want some Dumbass working for Me. I actually had yo explain where Wyoming is. The moral of the story is, I aint the only Dipshit in America.

Good Morning

   I had to write this while it's still fresh in My mind. I think I finally figured out why My Sister Lois was a vicious little Girl. We were at a Cousins house when one of the Sheila Walthers said She was going to beat My little Sister up. It was a reaction to grab Her and pull Her away. What happened was I fell backwards on the bed and Penny, My Sister, was on top of Me. Before I could let Her go She was hit in the stomach a few times. She was lucky I did have a hold of Her, Her muscles were pulled tight and it did'nt knock the wind out of Her. Hell I was trying to protect the Kid.

"Mean People suck."

   Finishing Yesterdays topic. This same Person kept up with His crap. I held Myself together when He started more crap too, I felt like chopping Him in the throat.

Manana?

  We'll see what Tomorrow brings. As far as Today? Here I am walking up to the crain Operator talking to a Hand of Ours, this Fool a starts acting like He wants to play fight, His strength was unsuspected too, plus My arm feels the difference, He was close to real pain. Me? I called the office and left a message telling Them I walk away, leaving Myself open for His next move. The thing is, this Fella has been raising caine about Our Company for months, and now He's finishing the project. I have had enough. The thing is, My elbow hurts. I really want to show this Ass. Ask People that really know Me and You'll understand Me, I walk away. But when a Person causes harm just to do? I have a genuine hatred. I left a message relating to this with the office. We'll talk later about it. I hate Kids that fuck with You Folks.

At My age?

   To be honest, and a fact I hate to admit too, My sex Life has been, well? My last serious date was in 1982, right after I hurt Nancy. Insane? You do not live until You hurt. Pain will make a Person know They are alive.

"The luck of the Irish."

   Yep, I am an unlucky Bastard. I mentioned how My first memory in Life was being given a Puppy, I never remembered playing with it or having it around either, the next time I saw it it was mean. During that same time I remember being bitten by a Girl on the block and climbing up a ladder that sent Me to the hospital, but no Dog. At the age of three I was given a toy pistol and holster. I played fast draw daily, even after I got My right hand stuck in a garage door spring and had to draw left handed. My Parents took it and put it in the hall closet. I remember asking My Sister Kay if She'd get it down for Me but She said no. I was given a trike by My Grandpa, this trike was bigger then normal and I know it would be worth something now, it too disappeared. From around the fifth grade until High School I continuously had to listen to My oldest Sister scream at Me. And to top it off I had My best Friend stab Me in the back and screw My life up. Now They mess with a slow Kid in a manner I cannot tolerate, nor would any Man. And You wonder why I want to take a trip to Wenachie Washington?

"I demand respect!"

   Why are these Boy's allowed to do whatever They please?

The hard facts

   I just want to say this, I felt so bad Today I contemplated suicide again. The one thing that actually keeps Me alive is the fact that I swear I will kill this Bill Rowley when I take My own Life. That dirty son of a Bitch had better count His blessings that He's nowhere near Me right now for I am completely capable of doing it. I say this not only to get a reaction, I WANT THESE PEOPLE IN JAIL NOW!!!!!

'Shut the fuck up!'

   Kelly? I worked with a Fella a few years back here in Wyoming, He passed away a few days ago. This is one of those stories where You wish You could take back what You said. Me and another Worker had pulled up 34 ft. 12 ga. steel by rope all day long, Ira shows up and jumps Our ass for doing it the easy way when We did what the Bosses Son told Us to do, let the lift do the work, We were doing it the soft way that time. We were doing it the hard way because it was easier then lowering the lift every time. When Ira said We were doing it the hard way I bit His head off. The thing is, He raises Hell all the time to begin with and had got on My nerves then. This is a time when You can say the last time You saw a Person You had foul words. R.I.P. Ira. 

I still have to try

   I hate Life and that is a fact that I deal with daily. They say People kill Themselves to rid Their Lives of the pain They're in, I suffer through it. I tell a story of being handed a Playboy, if I had'nt lived through it I doubt if I would believe such a story Myself. I told of even walking up to the gates of the Playboy  mansion, I am sure I was being filmed while I did so. I understand totally that You need real evidence that all of this took place, if in fact You were to do something about it. Even the fact tat They flat out say things on the air does'nt prove that it's My Life They are messing with. So all I can say is that it is a fact and I have no real proof. My only hope would be if one of Them decided to become a Grown Man and admit to Their crime. Myself? It would eat Me up inside knowing I had done something like that to another Human Being. I mentioned that a Guy named Danny was there the night We wound up at the Marriott, if He's still alive He may be the one to help. I think I told You about giving Him My old Wyoming drivers licence when I got My Texas one. He told Me He used it to change His name. All He did was to rearrange a few things but kept the Kelly McGill part the same. I was even taken into a back room at the D.P.S. department on Lamar in Austin and shown His picture and asked about it a few years later. The Kid was from Florida if that helps. If I have'nt made it clear enough I want these People bad. You do not seem to understand how mad I am right this moment. Kelly.

Richard who?

   Wyoming is real Folks. Here it is sixty degrees Sunday, three inches of snow on Monday and - degrees Today. Wow! In 1978 it never got above -30 for a month straight, that was when I had Laura leave My dumb ass. I just wish She'd a told Me We were through, I sure as Hell would have never went to Mississippi after Her. But what does a Kid do when He has no sense, "Well if You need to ask?". "Shit stinks!", is all I can say.

When?

  I sit here and cry, that in itself would have Me looking into what it is that some Fool is saying. I Myself look at things with a grain of salt, the reason being is that there are a lot of Kid's in America that think it's funny to mess with People. Do You Dumb Asses realize, I know the answer, that You are a real disgrace. I Myself can call My Life a disgrace for even being a Fool in My opinion, but I sure as Hell will not screw with Your Life. Bob Carrol, Clint McGill and Javiar Morales can tell You that when I screw with You it's right in front of You and jamming it down Your throat that You are in fact a Kid that needs told. I mentioned before that I was going totally mad, those are the reasons. I truly hate some People in America, and They think it's funny. My Nephew Clint was one. To this day He tells Me that I made Him grow up. I hated that Kid. He came around as some Kid that had nowhere else to turn. A Gang banger that knew it all, I fucked with Him hard. The thing is, I did it to His face, not in a game manner either, I wanted to slam the Boy. What I tell Him is that He changed His own Life. Now the Kid's got His two Sons to raise, and doing a respectful job too. I lie not when I say I hate the American Youth and the way They think Their shit is without a smell.

Paranoid?

  Yes I can say I am paranoid. Here I am getting out of the shower when I hear a crash at My back door. I had a gun in hand quick too, the plaster caved in.

Tough as nails

   Bah! Here I am practicing an X block, and messing it up too, when I here a voice behind Me asking if I'm dancing. Damn! I was heart broken again. When I say so it has no comparison to Nancy and Sheila, They hurt bad, and still to this day are uncomparable. Excuse the spelling. But We walked on until Her ride picked Her up, another loss in My opinion. She was a knock out from what I got a chance to see. The only chance I have in Life is to teach, and I did so Tonight. I know enough to not try the block down low, it is taught as a leg break if done right too. But You totally drop Your guard against an uppercut to the snoz. I was practicing both and seeing I was'nt getting it high enough when I heard a voice from behind. She finished Our conversation, including introductions from across the street. Really. Such is Kelly's luck. No joking matter too.

Enough said

   I have cried while doing what I do here. I have contemplated suicide. I have thrown everything I own away to find Richard. And yet nothing? A Garote was thought of. Which I do know how to use too. You put Your knee in Their back and cross the wire around the neck. It will decapitate the Person You are attacking. Do not put Your fingers in the way They too will be cut off. In that manner You have no defence if done right. I may have no Military back ground, My mistake, but I study everything I can find. Like the old Gentleman in a black belt mag. said, "Let the fear cross Your face Then kick 'em in the knee" He said He fought in San Francisco with the Gangs and never lost. Hello!

Screwed up Youth

   Hey! You Dumb Fucks out there! DRUGS KILL DAMMIT! Wow! This Fool says so! "Damn Kids anyhow". Wise? If I were I would not be living My Life. In the World Today People want to kill Your silly asses, but yet You allow this crazy ass kid shit to continue? Damn!

Bar Fly

   I spent some time at Fort Hood as a Cab Driver, You start to feel for the Soldiers. Tonight a Soldier was buying beer, it cost Me twenty plus. I am not a band wagon jumper, I recognized the pattern of His camo, even in Riverton Wyoming, and paid for His beer. I was there when Nadal killed People. I say it a lot that I messed up and never joined the Military, but dammit I support the effort. As an American I see what is going on.

I lie not

   How in the World do You allow these People to do what They do and get away with it?

Abnormality

    "Birds of a feather flock together" that was the reason Bill Rowley and Richard Pattison are such good Pals, their both pieces of crap that think They're smarter then some slow Kid. Well in actuality They really are, but that really is'nt saying a whole lot. I just wish I could run into one of Them on the streets, I can say for a fatc tat I would wind up in Prison for the rest of My Life. Knowing that afterwards I am sure I would end My Life too.