I was'nt a Man at all !

   I know an other way They may have held Me down, I was an unfaithful little Punk. I was working road construction  before I moved to be with Laura, while in Evanston, Wyoming I pretty much lost any shyness I had and was looking for a good time. I found it too. While Sheila and I were dating I did what I did every wednesday night, I went out for Ladies night at the bar across the street. Perry Greenhalgh was sitting at the table with Me when a married Gal kept trying to suduce Me. I kept ignoring Her until My judement went the wrong way. I still to this day have a lot of pain when I think of Sheila, I am near tears as I write this. I tell You right here and now that I am a Person that will be faithful to His Wife. Nancy changed My life, true love is a horrible thing when the one You love is no where around. Not to mention I broke Her heart. I was such a Cad when I was nineteen, I broke another young Womans heart, Renae's. I am happy for Her though, I have met Her Husband Brian and He is a Man for a fact. She got a better one than I was. I got My face slapped for that one. Nancy is a main factor in why I have lived My life in a lonely manner, I look at a Woman and tell My self the truth, I am not worthy. The night I first saw Her I told Myself, "She would'nt want Me, but I have to try.". This is no joke this is what took place on a dance floor. As soon as We were on the floor I started, I told Her, "I moved here to Texas because I heard there were a lot of pretty Woman, and They were right.", damn I got a cold look. I did'nt quit though, I found out Her name and that She lived at home while unemployed and not in school. It was'nt long before I realized I was wasting My time and made the mistake of My life, this hurts Me so bad to write this down I hope it is worth the pain. I took a chance and looked at Her body the only difference then from Sheila is that My jaw did not drop, I stared at Her from neck to hips and back up, when I reached Her eyes I saw that this young Woman fell in love with this Kid in front of Her. My mind started spinning so fast at that moment that I lost total control of My senses, I knew I did not belong and left Her there crying because I could do nothing about it. Suicide? Yeah I have tendancies to say the least. I ask for Your forgivness for even saying this and other parts because I know the pain it can cause, I hurt My sister Kay bad by telling Her about parts of My life, I was hurting so bad back then that this pain I feel at the moment is slight in comparison. I will end with that and may God bless Us all. Have a great day, Kelly McGill.